Our · Wedding

The moment I heard my first love story I began seeking you, not realizing the search was useless. Lovers don't meet somewhere along the way. They're in one another's souls from the beginning.

-- Jalal al-din Rumi, Persian Love Poem

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
-- Homer, The Odyssey

a muse is a fuse
a fuse lighter in or out
that kindles a flame

I'm fortunate in that I have a gardenful of Gnome-like muses who whisper in my ear and also a larger and more substantial muse who also whispers in my ear and provides creature comforts for me especially on sick days. I trapped him with a wedding band, and now he's all mine though I don't keep him in a mayonnaise jar with holes in the lid like the others. We have a stronger summoning pact.

Best thing about being a wife: stealing all of hubby's clothes. :3

We're going into 2009 with completed Immigration and most of the legal name change documentation finished on our side. It could be six months or six weeks on the immigration paperwork. We're keeping our fingers crossed. We plan on spending a quiet new year together before the fire with Muse, a lot of clocks in a pile, and lots of appetizers (who wants to cook on New Year's honestly?) plus some good champagne and grapes on skewers. There's nothing more wonderful than having someone to kiss to ring in the new year. We both know we've been blessed by a happy stroke of fortune. At this time two years ago, one of us had to travel to see the other one for New Year's Eve and now, this year, we don't have to travel any more.

Today Ben received a physical examination, took a TB skin test, and had his blood drawn to check for any blood diseases at Shiraz Medical Center. I have to say that the Jewish/Hebrew medical facilities blew us away. Professionally spotless, so clean, very caring, soft-spoken and comforting with both of us as they proceeded with the very simple examination process. The doctor was amusing and just checked off most of his exam rapid-fire, as it was obvious that an immigrant from Canada was going to have everything that an American had in terms of childhood vaccinations and testing in all ways, shapes and forms.

The blood test was the worst part and it was not nearly as invasive as I recalled. We return on Wednesday with paperwork, and a TB results test will be performed and any last shots necessary for Ben to enter the country as a Green Card resident. He has no intention of turning over his Canadian citizenship, though he may opt for dual citizenship one day. But for now he will simply be a permanent resident here and if we ever move to Canada for some opportunity that presents itself to him then I will end up being a Canadian permanent resident as well. You never know where the job market will take you, but it's reassuring to know that the hardest part -- the U.S. part -- is now behind us and that we can take up residence on either side of our shared border.

We are thankful today for the fact that the medical center was so good, so speedy, and that it was over in under an hour. That was a really reassuring fact for us in such hectic, uncertain and difficult times as these. Dealing with two deaths in the family, a hassle of financial stress and paperwork for immigration and the end of the semester plus the usual holiday stresses had made us exceptionally glad for the patience, ease and supportiveness of this very kind clinic that's just down the street from us. I don't think I'll ever forget the amusing moment of watching Laurel and Hardy as two crack-pot stage magicians with one stuck inside a sword box as a stupid thug shoved swords inside it as if he were a stage magician. I turned to Ben and said "Well that's always reassuring to watch before going in to see the docs, huh?" He burst out laughing.

Thank goodness this step is over! We are so relieved!

We've been hard at work on wedding presents this week. So far After Effects has been giving Ben all sorts of trouble but he finally managed to get it working this evening! It's been kind of amusing the way our house has become Santa's Workshop the past few days. Between assembly line style hole punch magic and shuttling of images back and forth, and our red santa helper hats, we're almost the real deal. We're just missing the forty foot snow banks. (And frankly, we're glad about that though we would like a little less sun if you please...)

We're really hoping these don't get delayed in the mail so that they reach all of you in time for the holidays. And we wish you all the very best this holiday season. It's hard to believe we've been married just a little over two months already! Can you believe we were together having fun in Orange County only two months ago? And now it's Christmastide! Wow ...

Fiona writes:

It was four Fridays ago that Ben and I got hitched! Life has gone on just as it always does for us. We've just celebrated a bang-up Halloween together. One of our finest. Lots of little trick-or-treaters at our door Wowing and Oohing. Lots of parents telling us how our home is so incredibly done up for the holidays they just can't believe it. Same old same old for us -- not in the bad way just in the way that we like to live!

Ben says the only difference between then and now is that we have a wedding band on our fingers. And I agree. Sometimes, depending on who you talk to, my name's different now too (unless you're the receptionist of my publisher)...

Otherwise, life goes on Happily the Same as it has for a few years now. I am glad it goes on with us married though. I actually confess that's it's very hard for me to say "husband" because it's been "fiance" for a long, long time and before that it was "my fella." And I was the sort of girl who didn't want to get married, so it's doubly weird to say "my husband." If you've never prepared yourself after 34 years, it's a little strange to start living a married life that far into it! -- I just wish my brain would catch up to my heart now...

It just goes to show you that nothing in this world is set. You may think you're destined for marriage or you may think you're destined for singlehood. You don't know nuffin'. Anything is possible in life.

Our wedding photos finally arrived. They are a disappointment really. I don't think we had a professional photographer at all despite paying for one. As we near the one month mark, Ben and I look back on the day and recognize it as the happiest of our life. Nothing phased us on that day despite the fact that pictures came in and alerted us to the fact that lots of things were wrong with the cake, the timeline, the ubiquitous pajama-clad wedding planner in every good photo and much more. In the very moment, I didn't notice a thing -- who would? But with the advent of digital photography I saw so much captured that displeased me about the entire administration of the affair that I will be sending a letter of complaint to the business.

Even the wedding CD came with a scrawled note saying "Vote Yes on 8" on the back. Highly unprofessional after being asked to send a check to cover the $5.00 postage and not even getting proper packaging on the CD, which came slightly scratched.

Now that our wedding photos are no longer held hostage, and now that we owe nothing to them, we can really get into what was wrong. I'm a pretty easy going bride, but I hate to think what other brides must have been through with this organization. One thing I plan to do is hit all the bridal review sites and give a full, negative review of this organization where I can, with the details to back it up. I wish I would have been able to find a review like this on the organization when I signed up with them. I would have paid the lease on the property and hired all my own design staff separately.

Ben and I will be getting better photographs sometime next summer. In the meantime, he and my mom will be trying to salvage pieces of these photographs with their ultimate Photoshop skills. It's been a great letdown. We could have moved to the northwest, or even purchased a house with the money we put into the wedding, so to look back in retrospect at all that money spent for such a poor outcome is kind of upsetting.

I had been holding out with full optimism on the photos because a photographer runs the entire business. But no. They were crooked and awful. I sit for professional photographs all the time as a writer. I have to have promo shots and book jacket shots and stuff for my website. I have three professional photography friends and all have clearly stated that these pictures are awful and it's not just our imaginations. It's very depressing.

The wedding planner was awful too. She didn't lead any of us. She pressured us all to leave inappropriately and Ben and I returned after our carriage ride to find our reception stripped down and a new one laid out already within an hour (a wedding set for the next day, not that night). She didn't allow guests to send us off at the carriage. No one knew what to do. She completely botched the reception order. There wasn't going to be a garter toss and she announced one which was a complete faux pas. I'm lucky I even had a garter to toss to be honest. Or that would have been even more embarrassing. Her mood was awful and she showed up everywhere instead of being invisible. She was such a bitter and resentful person, she should resign. She's been doing this way too long. And I apologize for the fact that no one was told what to do at the end once we were on the carriage. And I also apologize that everyone's bell favors got packed up so no one could ring us out to our new lives. It was a complete disaster (that neither of us even recognized because we were so damned happy).

It's not that the surroundings weren't lovely, it's that the services were bitter, poor, and reluctant at every possible step. They were lazy. They didn't ask input at any stage along the way. I should have been contacted about my pomander bouquet which I found lovely but awkward. It wasn't flat like a wreath so I spent the entire day with my arm propped artifically out so it wouldn't stain my dress. The ribbon was so small it cut into my skin because the pomander is heavy. It was lovely but it was poorly designed. There was no way to set it down either when I needed to do something else. I had provided a very clear picture of a pomander bouquet for them to use as reference and it looked nothing like the photograph I'd turned in. It's things like that which really bother me in retrospect.

About one week before the ceremony, they called to finalize the banquet plans. I asked three times for them to stack the cake since they decided to take the bottom layer away. Sheila assured me it would be done and she didn't do it. The cake was cute, but it was totally unbalanced. The reason we all agreed we should stack it was so that it didn't look like crap with only two layers instead of three. Instead it looked small, cheap and diminuitive. (Ben's words and quite accurate.) Weddings are meant to be grand.

Real service people provide fittings and consultations like that. It's what they do that makes them worth the money. Instead this place made it difficult for us whenever they could and rained on our parade constantly. They provided shoddy service and sour moods on our most important day of our lives. And they don't hire professionals to do the work but charge professional rates and that's bad business.

Anyway. There it is. It may be several more weeks for the photos. Life got busy here again with midterms, business with my employer, and even mom's business has picked up again. We'll be squeezing in photos when we have time though.

The carriage horses were named Harley and Tecumseh.

The boys told me to preserve this quote:

"Sillies -- that's what Ushers are for!"

There guys, now it's preserved!

Humanity has two wings – man and woman. If these wings are not of equal strength, then we cannot fly.

You are my beloved bride (groom). I give myself freely to you as your husband (wife). I give that which is mine to give; all that I have, all that I am, and all that I hope to be.

You will be the first in my life, treated with the same care and concern that I give myself.

We will be partners. We will be friends. I promise to be your pillar of strength, your haven from harm, and the shield that protects your back.

You are my first love and my last love. I will be true to you with my body and my mind. Your bed will be my bed. Yours will be the eyes into which I smile in the morning.

I will provide you with happiness when the world provides us pain. I will give you time and love, not just pleasant offerings. We may be outwardly simple, but we will always be inwardly rich.

Our love will bear all things and believe all things. Although these vows are spoken in a matter of minutes, I promise they will last a lifetime. At journey’s end, we will be glad to have married this day.

Come to me softly my love; speak to me softly and let me hold your words against my heart. As I offer this token, place me as a seal over your heart.

Today our lunch was on the house at Jerry's Deli. They congratulated us on our upcoming wedding and treated us!

Here at the frontier there are falling leaves.
Although my neighbors are all barbarians,
And you, you are a thousand miles away,
There are always two cups at my table.

--Anonymous
--China, Tang Dynasty (618-906 A.D.)

Is it too cliché to say we're having trouble sleeping? Probably not for the usual reasons you might think ...

First I should say neither of us feel the panic that so many have in their last weeks, hours or minutes and we're both relieved to know that we're quite sure we want to get married.

No, instead we've been too excited to sleep for so many other reasons.

Ben and I love history. We like making things our own. We always do things differently than others and we weren't about to have a cookie-cutter wedding. We've always gone to high tea together where ever we could find it: at the Huntington where Ben proposed or in London at Fortnum & Mason. But it's so exciting because we've never had a tea of our own before. I only wish it weren't so warm, or we could have real tea in tea cups but instead we'll have to settle for iced tea, sparkling cider and champagne. Oh darn. (And lasagna ... what the hell, really? How can these people run a Victorian Room and not serve a proper tea in it? Lasagna...?)

We're excited because we also get to wear outfits that we wouldn't normally be able to wear -- except maybe to a science fiction convention. Ben gets to wear a top hat and an ascot for example and I get to wear a full empire-waisted gown and my one and only veil for life. We are having a Regency theme wedding but not a costume wedding, so we are not wearing Regency costumes, even though our attire does get very close to the Regency style of dress.

And the setting matches the Regency period too! We've worked hard to make it feel like you've stepped into a bygone era once you reach Chapman Chapel. We hope you're all set for a charming garden party as anything more than that would seem a little strange for a lunch-and-brunch wedding. (Again, lasagna...?)

We're also terribly excited to see all our good friends again, not to mention family. We'll be meeting Charles in person for the first time after an acquaintance of three long years! It's both so modern and at the same time so old-fashioned to be able to say you know someone through correspondence alone. Today we might find that very strange, but in Regency or Victorian times it was quite common to only have written friendships. We're lucky that today we have chat rooms, online video games, Facebook, and voice-chat programs like Ventrilo to make friendships much easier.

And we can't help but be excited about all the surprises that await many of you. We've been strategic about who we've told any details to and we hope the surprises won't be ruined in any way ahead of time. Our party of guests is very small and this has been difficult so far. But we did our best to button our lips because if there's nothing to look forward to you will have less of a good time.

We worked all year on color designs, paper designs, theme motifs, a unique ceremony that we hope will not put you to sleep, and so much more. It was the kind of labor of love that just multiplied with more and more good ideas. It's wonderful to tell people that we did it together. No one can believe how involved Ben was in the planning. I don't think we've had a more pleasant time or stretched our creative wings this much before.

My Mom said I ought to go into wedding planning and it was a tempting option to pursue. But let's face it, people are savage about weddings. I might act as an unofficial wedding planner and idea girl for friends or family but that's about it.

I think we are most excited about the actual event. We lie awake and think about the parties and dinners, rehearsal, ceremony and reception to come. And we begin to wonder if it will be a hit, enjoyed by others... Will it all pay off? We both know that it is our day, as everyone has supported our wishes so well. And I have to be honest that when the day dawns we will probably both be rather oblivious to the world. I imagine we will revolve around each other like a little binary star system, quite unconcerned with anything else in our immediate vicinity. But at the same time, this wedding is not just a plain old standard wedding to us ... it is a very reflection of our personalities, our passions and our dreams ...

I remember my first Bridal Moment very clearly. I was telling my coutouriére that we were having a small ceremony here in Los Angeles, and then a bigger second reception at Ben's family's house next summer.

She replied, "Oh, lovely! That's what my daughter just did. Exactly."

When I worried that people might be upset or not understand, she instinctively recognized my people-pleasing streak and she replied in a soothing tone, "Darling, the wedding is for the Bride."

Quite so. My attitude was adjusted by this patient wise woman with just a simple phrase. Rather like a birthday party on an epic scale I had to admit for the first time in my life that I'm the Lady of the Hour - or Queen for a Day as some say. This comes as a mild shock for the girl who wasn't even treated to birthday parties by her father and step-mother as a child. I'm suddenly Queen for a Day? Yipe!

But in my wedding binder I have kept a clipping from a magazine page all year and it reads: Walk as if you own the day, because you do.

I've been fortunate that Ben, my Mom, and all my friends and my new family have been of the same opinion. Many have traveled so far. You've allowed me the space to design this wedding ceremony and small reception to my personal tastes and favorites. And you have offered great and tireless support. The wedding is for the Bride and I count myself the luckiest of all of them this season.

So next week exactly, we get hitched! Woot!

I love you people. Stupid professors from this week are delightfully off-set by a beautiful greeting card from both Suzanne Solmonson, and Amos and Kaye Baron. I will soon send a formal thank you card to you directly, but please know that we loved receiving those beautiful cards this week. We hope to display the cards at the wedding reception.

I've sent word to many friends spread all over the world that any wedding greetings they choose for us will be read aloud at the toast section of the reception by our MC. I hope people contribute. It should be fun to read their felicitations aloud.

It's 101F / 38C here today. Whew! My hope is that the heatwave will pass by next Friday, and we will get cooler temperatures for the wedding day. I hope, I hope!

I'm definitely feeling a bit more myself these days. But it sure is a lot of primping and girly work being a bride. My goodness I don't think I've taken this much care of my skin or hair since maybe Junior Prom? Senior Prom? I can't really remember. I doubt I did a thing back then either actually. I think no one told me how ... come to think of it. I've always been a consummate guy chick.

But spending this last two weeks pretty much in down time has been a good way to go about things. I may be smeared in Papaya with only packing and final tidbits left to work on, but I'm still pretty much in the coasting down-time until the final day. I think I might be insane if it hadn't worked out this nicely.

Ben told tonight's professor that we're getting married next week so he won't be at class. His professor is divorced and didn't have a happy marriage experience, so he says to Ben, "I ... don't know what to say." Ben stared a moment. Then as if embarrassed by Ben's lack of sarcasm and jadedness, his professor says, "Congratulations!" Ben praises him with, "Thank you!" Then he goes into the twenty questions: Do we own a house yet? Do we want kids? You could just hear the laundry list of matrimonial offenses ticking off in his own mind like a checkbook register: Negative, negative, red, red red...

Apart from the obvious faux pas of never asking about the finances or child-bearing plans of the happy couple, Ben's professor made the entire wedding about himself. I'm just very glad that these sorts of people are not coming and eating our cake! I feel karmically safe saying this aloud. And I don't think karmically is a word, but that's all right. As a writer, I have carte blanche to make words. I invoke writers' right!

Off to memorize my vows some more!

We're having a huge Appreciation Party on Wednesday with about ten people. I can't wait. Since other parties like a shower, or the nefarious bachelor parties are supposed to be hosted two weeks before it to give the wedding room, and since it's customary to host thank you parties for attendants (like our ushers), and since no one will be present until the very week of the wedding, it was hard to figure out what to do.

So Ben and I looked up some ideas in the wedding books and on the wedding sites and found this one called An Appreciation Party. An Appreciation Party is what is thrown at destination weddings and covers everything from a shower to stag party to bridesmaid's luncheon. You're supposed to play games (like at a shower), eat wildly interesting food and live it up (like at a stag party), and also exchange gifts with your attendants at them and thank them for helping with your wedding in advance (like at the bridesmaids luncheons). Traditionally you host a shower a few months before, and the bachelor/ette parties two weeks before, so people have time to do it properly. But when everyone is traveling to the wedding (and ironically this did turn out to be a destination wedding in more ways than one though it didn't take place in Scotland) this is how many suggest you handle the pre-party situation in a cramped amount of time. You throw the Appreciation Party!

The boys (I call our ushers, Jim, Brandon and Charles "the boys" because they always hang around us like kids) all want In-and-Out Burger so bad because it's a famous pit stop. I dunno about in Canada but in the U.S. hamburger joints are made famous regionally by loyal patrons. There's White Castle in the midwest and there's a few others -- and there's In-and-Out Burger here in the southwest in California particularly. It's a surf hamburger joint that hasn't changed its food preparation since 1947 or something like that. Anyway, the burgers are very good and the ambience is legendary even though they're mostly drive-thrus. Most people who come to LA usually ask to go to one. Ben and I are volunteering to go to the In-and-Out drive thru and pick up tons of hamburgers for us and bring them back to the hotel.

So come on Wednesday ready to play games, party, eat lots of hamburgers, fries, shakes and fountain drinks, and of course come ready to swim in the pool. I hope we can have a poolside party even if we have to eat elsewhere. If you want to swim, don't forget your bathing suit! The party will be totally casual - you don't dress up for drive thru, amirite? ^_^

Ben suggested I show off my wedding checklist on here. Because he thinks it's enormous and impossible. Every time I crack open the mighty wedding binder he winces a little and asks "Anything I can help with?" Well, he helped with almost everything. That's why I love him.

His touch is especially in anything created on paper whether it was for favors, invitations, save-the-date magnets, programs or other massive undertakings. Everything you see or pick up at the wedding was made by him. Every invitation (save the actual wedding invite) was created by Ben (and he basically chose the format and fonts for the official invite). He finalized the color scheme for the wedding reception and ceremony as navy, light blue and yellow. He even chose the rehearsal dinner venue.

So when you peek at this list, it wasn't just my doing, but Ben's too. I wasn't able to put in things like "first make invitations and then send them" but that's also another 2-3 steps on top of actually just sending something off. And then there was finding the right costume pieces for Ben's tux. Just tonight I ordered him a pearl ascot pin on Ebay. They don't make tie pins anymore. I can't believe it.( Read more... )

First another announcement:

I guess I should have added to the DOs and DON'Ts list: Guests with cameras are not allowed to snap a photo of any pose that the wedding photographer has set up. They can't leave the pews to take pictures during the ceremony. And they can't use flash. Those are the wedding photographer's orders not ours. I hear horror stories from friends that it's more and more common today to get wedding nazis making sure you don't do this -- so if you forget, I guarantee you may be accosted by some old person with a large stick brandished in your face. You've all been fairly warned.

Now to the actual journaling:

Yesterday was another long trip to Orange. It should have been a very short trip but for the traffic. Two and a half hours each way driving. Ugh. We think it was because it was Homecoming weekend perhaps. We saw a lot of football stuff going on when we got home and the streets around town were just as packed with high school drivers and their parents and pals.

We thought about eating at a new restaurant but we decided to go back to PJs Abbey again. I'm really glad we did because there was a rehearsal dinner set up in the restaurant and I got to see how they manage it. We will indeed be seated off to one side at a very long table. They had a violin soloist there but I think that was the restaurant and not the wedding party's decision. He was very good and I think he must come play on weekends. Our rehearsal dinner will probably have the standard classical or jazz music playing over dinner.

We ordered a new appetizer: Baked brie. It's to die for. And then we tried the pork chop and mojito marinated lime chicken. Both were very good and very light. We attempted the mashed potatoes, herb-seasoned potatoes, sauteed spinach and creamed corn. All rawk. You can't really go wrong with the sides. There's a perfect mix between home-cooked and french continental here that I really love. You don't feel it's too stuffy and it's delicious. But the attention to detail in preparation and presentation is obvious.

We took a walk up to the chapel afterward. A wedding party was in the middle of their rehearsal so we hung about, listening to our own music on my iPhone and checking out the grounds. The chapel lawn is perfect for croquet -- I hope they let us play it. They might not because it's an old landmark though.

We came to test our CDs for the ceremony and they work. The wedding planner seemed terribly overworked and stressed out (to be expected on a rehearsal of course) and as she slipped in the CD and let it play, she walked out and just visibly relaxed. She looked around the chapel with me as it filled with our music selections and said in a kind of awed voice, "This ... is very nice music."

For just that moment alone, I was grateful for my Hollywood mix and editing training. I thought to myself that I was actually capable of impressing a wedding planner (for real not just for a tip) who deals with weddings every other day and has heard every type of music. And that I knew I'd chosen the right pieces of music to set the mood. You can't really underestimate the power of music at something like a wedding. Even the selection of seating music is important while your guests are in the chapel enjoying the moments prior to the ceremony. They are in the audience waiting for your show, so to speak, and it helps to put them in the right frame of mind.

I'm so glad we went with a wedding inspired by Jane Austen. The wedding venue will feel a lot like these stills from the Jane Austen movies Pride & Prejudice and Emma:

It's so pretty. The dresses are so flattering. The men look so distinguished. I should get Ben a top hat, huh?